psyche

It looks like graphics is well and truly useless now. I’ve been reading through the Mozilla Developer Center’s Canvas Tutorial and it’s clear that it’s quite powerful (e.g. automatic bezier and quadratic curves and all that). It’s quite a cool new element and I’ll have to check it out at some point.

Unrelatedly, Vivan suggested that I make a last minute application for the Imperial College IC125 Future Computing Taster Course, which I did and - surprisingly - got a place at. So we’ll be there, wrecking Art and Evolution, Enigma - the cryptographer’s battle, Lunch will be provided*, Gestures and artificial intelligence and Image manipulation in Java. Sounds good. Artificial intelligence and quantum computing, ha ha! Ha ha ha! And I actually know where the Huxley Building is now. We’ll have some stuff to talk about at university interviews. Lulz.

Also, I’m going to take back Ealing Broadway. I’m going to make it more fun! Preparing for Arizona by buying lots of reflective clothing (yes). Trying to make main site more coherent. Failing.

Trying to get Wikipedia SEL people to accept that the Knights guy was running HotSauce, and that lambda calculus is quite important.

Trying to think of massive hack for Lain’s tenth anniversary. Have a few ideas.

*may not be a lecture, not sure

Pax

This blog post will grow as I remember more details.

Imperial College (or Imperial Lollege, as it was when my dad was there, reading Mechanical Engineering and putting the lulz in Lulz…ondon) was pretty awesome. Four year course with industry placement looked awesome.

They coincidentally brought up Richard Hayden, whose CV I had read online previously. I lulzed up the talk with some banter about stochastic fluid flow. Hot female Japanese CS applicants were in awe of me, or at least noticed me in order to be contemptuous. Halls of residence full of lulz: Southside and Eastside. Talked to Dr Jeremy Bradley (DoC admissions tutor) about quantum computing and mathematical preparation; he suggested that if I have “any maths ability whatsoever” I should do JMC (Joint maths and computing) - he essentially said “don’t believe the prospectus; it’s actually the entire maths and computing undergrad in one”.

Met guy applying for physics. He plays Command & Conquer. Was from Wales; friendly. Also met Yen-Ming and his father. His father was doing his PhD - all research, no teaching - at Imperial while my dad was undergrad. How interconnected of him.

Saw some projects. Fantastic. Eye tracking, torso modelling, game playing lulz ensued. Dad saw that one of his professors from 198x was still a member of the mech eng faculty (lulz).

Ray Hammond and James Bellini were shockingly down-to-earth and non-speculative. Predictable themes included delocalisation of working environment, epic lulz, “conscious internet”, ubiquitous computing etc.. Hammond talked about what was essentially The Wired. Reminded me of Masami Eiri when he said, and I quote, “The next step in human evolution is merging with our creations”.

Audience was mostly pretentious pseudo-intellectuals like me. No-one else under 18 had entered (or made an entry decent enough to get an invitation). I guess young people don’t care about future. Short-sighted info addiction stuff. Lulz. Highlights included tipsy Tesla fanboy rambling about something no-one cares about, man whose life goal is to make jokes about Microsoft and Drunk Freelance Philosopher (one of the runners-up, in fact). I thought the winning entries were okay - not as great as Hammond and Bellini, though.

May remember other stuff. Cambridge had better be good, after that.

I like quantum computing. I like internet. I like artificial intelligence. I plan to lulz stuff up. Throw off crushing weight of friends with superior mathematical ability with attitudes ranging from condescending to hostile. Now irrelevant. Before I cried! NOW I LAUGH IN THE FACE OF ANTI-LULZ!

Ha ha; lulz!

Pax

P.S. News from Cambridge:

Dear Farhan,

Thanks for your query. Although it will depend on the College to which
you’re applying, the Faculty expects that you will be interviewed as a
computer scientist and will have one extra interview by the
mathematicians to check your mathematical ability. The Faculty also
expects that, should you be made an offer and then fail just the STEP
requirement, you would still be able to come to read Computer Science
with one of the other six options.

I hope this helps,
Fiona Billingsley

======================================
Mrs Fiona Billingsley
Student Administrator
University of Cambridge
Computer Laboratory
William Gates Building
JJ Thomson Ave
Cambridge CB3 0FD, UK

Tel: +44 (0)1223 763505
Fax: +44 (0)1223 334678
Email: fmb37@cl.cam.ac.uk
======================================

—–Original Message—–
From: Farhan Mannan [mailto:farhanmannan@mac.com]
Sent: 25 June 2008 21:48
To: undergraduate.admissions@cl.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Computer science with mathematics

I was planning to apply for computer science in 2009 but recently
decided that I may apply for the 50% maths option in the first year.
Does this mean my interview will essentially be a maths interview and
devalue the books I’ve read, or will it still be a computer science
interview with the proviso that I do well in STEP?

Lulz,

Farhan Mannan

Now:

• Made it to final of Aerospace Challenge - team meant to be called “The Pauli Effect”, listed as “Pauli”
• Doing terrible, terrible physics competition
• Used distribution of points in a square and circle to approximate pi
• Watched 2001: A Space Odyssey - totally awesome. Combination of pacing and philosophy reminded me of SEL - wonder whether Rokison liked 2001?
• Had fencing epiphany (remembered how to fence)
• Working on iSAMS MySQL JavaScript plugin thing

Over the summer:

• Fabric stuff
• University of Arizona stuff
• Science essay (applied computer science)
• Philosophy essay (Baudrillard)
• Revision for TSA and (horror!) STEP…
• Become a good fencer

Pax

Exams were OK. Made binary and quadratics for lulz. Not useful, really.

Doing S2 and C4 in maths. Interesting. Fred and I continue to brutally annihilate Dr Eves’ extension questions. Kishore pays no attention (and sometimes falls asleep) but easily completes all of Mr Motion’s work very quickly. We’re a good set. Dr Eves has to write references. Joy. Sentences becoming fragments now…

Doing physics competition thing with Will, Fred and Elliot. Must make mechanical or simple electrical clock to time 2 minutes with well-defined start- and endpoints. Then make a machine to raise an egg 1 metre (I think) as slowly as possible while still being continuous. Wonderful. Perhaps if I get Elliot and Fred working on proof that space is well and truly quantised making the task impossible (all distances discrete) then we’ll win for ingenuity.

Have to use BMAT to revise for TSA over summer. Also, 2000-word “science prize essay”. Will do on LHC and CERN grid computing systems and such. Also, 2 minute challenge.

Haven’t heard back from Aerospace Challenge people. Got sick today (dehydration). Good to be happy. Forgotten how good!

Pax

I’ll standardise CPT1 and CPT2 to 3.7. Core 2 was 3.8ish? Have all three physics papers on Thursday, Stats 1 on Friday and then a break for a week. Then Core 3 and FP1 on Monday, all three chemistry papers on that Wednesday and Mechanics 1 on that Friday - AND I’M DONE!

Pax

I like exams. I will revise for them.

I very quickly read Counterknowledge (the book, not the blog). I kept thinking about Baudrillard and his simulations - probably to do with hysteria and mass media stuff. The book is acerbic. I think I like it, although I haven’t really considered it in great detail. It’s very angry. As in most cases, a balance (here of “credulous thinking” and assumption of good faith) is probably necessary.

I’m going to do the Turing Omnibus exercises in more detail and then read Algorithmics, and if I have time (…), The Pleasures of Counting.

Must be ready!

Pax

AS level exams soon. I am really, really going to have to revise. I don’t know any chemistry. Maths is okay but in my case (I’m not particularly intelligent), understanding without practise* means nothing. Some parts are very easy. Some are tricky. Computing will be the easiest if I can pin down Module 2 (it’s full of hand-wavy definitions and irritating database terminology) to the algorithmic process I have going for Module 1 (which has worked pretty well so far). Physics is again okay but as everyone who sits near me frequently reminds me with looks of disgust and horrified comments (I can’t tell if they’re simulating them to belittle me - they don’t really use insults which I suppose is designed to give the impression that they’re trying to help me and therefore suppress my urge to request forgiveness). Essentially, I can’t intuitively understand basic physical concepts. Things that people just “know” seem to evade me. The pressure in a hydraulic system is uniform? It’s obvious NOW. Braking distance proportional to the square of initial velocity? Obvious once I’ve gone home very confused and derived that by rearranging v² = u² + 2as.

The social climate offends me. Apart from computing, in which either Mr Rokison xor [sic] Erroll crushes any sort of retardation, there is almost no social punishment (or it’s unreasonably deferred) for the usual transgressions (showing off, being annoying, cheating etc.).

What makes me slightly worried is that almost everyone from this school will probably “succeed” in later life. Not really something to rely on, but, you know, a reasonable hypothesis.

What am I going to do? Revise hard, get good A levels and gloss over some terrible problem in my understanding? Yes, probably. I suspect people will be loath to tell me how stupid I am in order to make themselves seem like better people. It’s quite difficult to get people to recognise just how terrible they are when this … terrible …ness … is the accepted norm. What to do?

Life is awesome.

*Brit. variant

Pax

I am so tired. It’s almost the end of the thing. The term. Or whatever. I’m so tired all the time. I can sleep for any length of time between 0 and 14 hours and have a random tiredness level. It sometimes works out in an awesome way and sometimes… in a not so awesome way. I think I’ll have to sort this out.

I will probably never learn to code properly, will I? I will probably never understand anything… meh. Suburban gloom.

Pax

There’s been a bit of a lacuna and I don’t think I’ll fill it entirely as others have committed the events I missed to posterity.

I now make a large number of notes on my phone and in Mail. I now retain much more information than I used to - or at least, my computer and phone do, and I am able to retrieve this information.

Themes of personal reality and our inability to accurately perceive the real physical world are endlessly depressing. To quote Eiri Masami:

A memory is merely a record. Thoughts and emotions are but a limited sum derived from this record. Between this mere receptacle we call human form and the truly real world stands an insurmountable wall.

I think I’ll be uploading the text from omnipresence in wired as it’s quite interesting. It seems that Lain contains everything I care about. From the existential stuff to the misanthropy to the genuinely researched computer science (it’s way, way beyond The Matrix intellectually and emotionally. I never thought I’d say something like that)

Despite it being what people tell me is a simple process, I haven’t been able to get Inquisitor to install since upgrading to Leopard. Elliot and I have switched to Opera. It’s awesome.

Some connections sprang up. I Am Legend was brought to my attention by my uncle many years ago and is soon to be a film (I know that there have been repeated films based on it). It features urban decay and loneliness. Good. It feels like the truth is out there - if only I could find someone to explain it to me! How do you check if what you’re doing is the right thing? You can’t just sit and think, because you fudge your mind. There’s no rulebook. You ask other people. Consensus reality!

Suppose I’m a histrionic pathological liar. This combined with a general obsessiveness means I would be prone to interchange reality and fiction in my head. It would often have no consequence but it means I become fixated (Lain). Is there a cure? I think so. I still wonder about HotSauce. I also wonder about how the Lain people knew about computers and information science. Strange. Lain and The Matrix make me worry about secret truths. I think that’s why I try to make everyone watch Lain. I fear that information will be lost forever.

It’s easy to get sick of something and move on… but more dangerous is not getting sick of it. Instead of burning it out during an intense phase of interest, it might haunt you. Lain haunted me for about year before I really knew what it was. Maybe this is partly why it is taking me so long to shake it.

I used to consider myself a good writer and although it’s clear now that I am nothing of the sort, I still have a fondness for my piece of GCSE English coursework about a rather deranged man called Slavik. He met his end choking on a Quorn sandwich. More recently, Enjoy Every Sandwich. Connection! \o/

They should superimpose satnav data onto car windscreens somehow. Augmented reality.

I saw David Gray at the Roundhouse on the 14th. I like him. He’s clever.

Ikea and council flats at night. Kids hanging around some rusting metal railings outside a car park. Sad-looking car that never moves. Secret people locked up in those little houses. Suburban gloom?!

If I were in an attention-seeking, dramatic mood, I’d simply smile with some sort of emotional weight.

Pax

SciCast went reasonably well considering how… uh, basically we had a rather high input:output ratio… =]

Michael (Bali) agreed with me that I was losing my intelligence, citing my random theories which I adopt because “some famous guy wrote them” etc. and I guess he’s right but I think that’s a slightly outdated viewpoint. I am now totally lost - but at least I can’t be criticised as much for trying too hard to justify my own existence/define myself as an individual.

I think I’m going to have to find a happy medium between rationalism and acceptance of the uncertainty that underpins reality. Urgh. I continue to catch solipsism’s eye when it looks around but I don’t think I’ll strike up a conversation just yet. I have to trust that even in the total absence of purpose or meaning, my actions’ consequences are somehow valid. I don’t really know if I can do that, but I have to, right?

Right?

Pax