psyche

In my experience, nostalgia is BAD because it reminds me that things change. It’s a wistful feeling not far from regret.

Sometimes I feel that my experiences MUST be shared. A sort of twisted existentialism makes me feel that unless someone knows about how happy I felt at some point, that happiness will mean nothing. But is that true? Am I just seeking some kind of validation? What IS meaningful? When you see a movie about some touching or amazing secret, it’s like you’ve been given a window on something that would otherwise go untold… and be wasted. I don’t know.

How “meaningful” are secrets? If I say “my experiences have meaning for ME and that’s all that matters”, I seem to slide towards a clunky and endlessly depressing solipsism. On the other hand, if I say “total meaning is meaning of experience times number of people who know about it times total product of how much they care about it” then most of my life is meaningless.

I am now happy, active, productive and perpetrating lulz whenever possible. It seems the only way around this is to ignore it or punish it out of existence, because otherwise I’d always stay up at my computer and not do work and coast through everything etc. … I read some book (details when I find them) in which the author stated that we get ourselves down/stress ourselves out simply - SIMPLY - because we focus on the bad points and complain in little groups and otherwise become sad/angry. If that’s true then I should be fine as there aren’t really any bad points.

Just strange, apparently neutral clouds of nostalgia and anxiety: anti-lulz.

I saw Hellboy II. It was okay, through I liked the first one more.

Pax