psyche

It’s easy to experience something brilliant and want secretly to dedicate your life to it. I’ve phased through a lot of things. However, I’ve realised that to take on the world, real or fake, I’m going to have to call upon everything I am and ever was!

I am every Wikipedia article I’ve ever read, every film I’ve seen and every obscure book I’ve tried to digest. I’m every corny TV show that has flashed before me and every piece of profound poetry that has lain before me. I haven’t forgotten. I am every point I’ve ever lost, grinding my teeth and sweating as people lunge into my unprepared torso, and every checkmate - and there have been many - I have grudgingly accepted. Every wrong note I’ve played in front of so many people, every extra session I stayed for at the gym! Every volley I muffed with my unlucky tennis coach, every computer I’ve crashed, every person who’s laughed at me and every person I’ve laughed at. Every plant I watered, pair of eyes I looked into, regret I’ve had, experiment I’ve botched.

I am surprisingly inadequate as a middle-class person but feel enriched in some way. Everything I have witnessed - mistakes and all - I carry forth into the world. When whatever I have to do makes itself known, … boy will I do it!

Pax